


I Hate You

by amberxwrites



Series: Hollyoaks Oneshots [3]
Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: Depression, F/M, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Other, darren hates himself, i like to make random extra scenes that were never shown, luke doesn't handle it as bad as he did irl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:00:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27618020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amberxwrites/pseuds/amberxwrites
Summary: Darren has had enough of faking a smile.
Relationships: Kyle Kelly/Darren Osborne, Luke Morgan & Darren Osborne, Mandy Richardson/Darren Osborne, Tony Hutchinson & Darren Osborne
Series: Hollyoaks Oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2019205
Kudos: 3





	I Hate You

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after Darren, Luke and Tony take that test from a magazine that says Darren is depressed.

Darren's POV

Sitting in the cafe with Luke and Tony, I felt normal. Like the old me. It felt as though nothing had changed and, in a way, it hadn't. I still had my friends. I still had my dad. I still had Mandy and the kids. So why did it hurt so much inside?

"As if you're depressed." Luke chuckled, tossing the magazine to the side. "What have you got to be depressed about?"

We had just taken some lame quiz that wasn't supposed to mean anything. But it turned out that Tony was fine, and I wasn't.

I tried to smile, hiding my feelings like I usually would. But when I felt my eyes brimming with tears and my heart beating faster, I knew there was no hiding just how much it had affected me.

"Hey, what's wrong mate?" Tony asked softly, noticing my sudden mood change. "It's just a silly quiz."

"Yeah, I know. It means nothing." I laughed, the sound so obviously fake. But of course they didn't notice. They never do.

I quickly wiped my eyes, standing up and grabbing my jacket. "I'll see you guys later."

I left, trying so desperately hard to hold back the tears as I made my way home.

~~~

Useless. It's a strange word. Everything and everyone has a purpose. A mother's purpose is to love her children. A father's purpose is to make a living and provide for his family. A brother's purpose is to protect his little siblings. A best friend's purpose is to always be there for each other. A boyfriend's purpose is to express his love in any way possible.

I had a purpose. I know I did. I had to be there for Mandy, as well as DJ, Charlie, Oscar, and even Ollie and Ella. Luke needed me to support him through his illness. Tony needed me to support him through his trauma and his issues with Diane. I was loved by so many people, but I couldn't help but feel worthless. I couldn't help but think that people would be better off without me.

I had stayed strong for too long, but being alone for the first time in a long time triggered me in some kind of way. I couldn't hold back the screams of agony and heartbreak, letting out everything I had bottled up for months. I heard the glass shatter against the wall and I looked down, my hands shaking as I saw the smashed picture frame laying there.

A picture of Mandy, DJ and I. They had never done one thing wrong, and yet I was taking my unhappiness out on them. I knew Mandy had noticed me acting different lately. I was quieter and more reserved, making up excuses as to why I couldn't go out with her just to avoid having to fake a smile for a few hours. It hurt to fake happiness, but I knew I was the comic relief in everybody's tough times. I was there to lighten the mood, even if it was dark inside my own mind.

As long as I was there to make them laugh, it didn't matter how I felt.

I slowly trudged to the bathroom, making sure the door was locked before turning off the lights, scared to see my own reflection and the man I had become. I looked tired, bags under my eyes and tear stained cheeks. I looked the spitting image of a damaged man, and I was terrified of how quickly things had changed.

"I hate you." I whispered, staring my reflection in the eyes.

"I hate you so much!" I screamed, picking up a shampoo bottle and launching it at the bathroom door.

"Hello?" I heard the faint, yet familiar voice call. I covered my mouth, adamant on silencing the painful sobs spilling from my lips. I wasn't ready to open up.

"Darren? You there?"

It was Kyle.

What was he doing here?

I whimpered, sliding down to the floor with my back against the door, struggling to stay quiet. Kyle couldn't find me. He would tell Nancy and she'd think I was weak and pathetic. She'd tell the kids and they would want nothing to do with their dad.

"Darren, I can hear you. Are you crying?" He was right outside the door now, and he could hear my sobs without a doubt. I let out a sharp breath, a loud sob escaping my defences. I closed my eyes as the door handle rattled. He knew I wasn't okay.

"Darren! Let me in!"

"Go away!" I croaked.

"I cant leave you like this. Please talk to me!" He begged.

"I can't pretend anymore." I whispered.

"You're scaring me Darren. Open the door!"

I didn't move, choking on another cry as I realised there was no hiding anymore. He knew. And pretty soon, so would everyone else.

"Let me in or I'm calling Mandy!"

"Don't do this. Don't act like you care!" I shouted, pulling my knees into my chest.

"We might not know each other very well, and we might not have always seen eye to eye. But it hurts. It physically hurts to see you in pain. Please talk to me Darren. I want to help."

"I don't need help!" I muttered, standing up and beginning to pace across the room. "I just want the pain to stop."

"Don't do anything stupid!" He cried, dialling somebody's number. I didn't care. I was too far gone, too deep in my thoughts to care as he screamed for Mandy to come home.

"She's on her way. Luke is with her. Please just try and hold on until they get here."

I laughed, gripping onto the edge of the sink as I tried to steady my breathing. "I can't do it anymore, Kyle. I don't want to be here anymore."

It wasn't long until I heard the front door burst open, the harsh sound of knuckles beating against the door making me flinch.

"Open this door, Darren. Now!" Luke screamed.

"You're scaring us." Mandy added, seemingly already in tears.

I didn't comply, but Luke was kicking down the door soon enough. He had managed to open it before I could react, pulling me into his chest as I let go, breaking down in his arms.

"I wanna die. I wanna die. I wanna die." I sobbed, the pain almost unbearable.

"It's okay. I got you. You're okay." He soothed, rubbing my back as I fell apart.

"Why didn't you tell us you were feeling like this?" Mandy asked quietly.

"Cause I'm not important. I didn't want to be a burden."

"You're my best friend, Darren. You could never burden me, or any of us for that matter." Luke reassured, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

Despite having all these people around me, comforting me as I completely shattered, I still felt alone.

I doubt I'd ever feel normal again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so glad my boy is okay now.


End file.
